Editor -- Letter-writers who suggest replacing French foods with haggis should be careful what they wish for (Letters, "Freedom from French," March 13). A full-monty haggis is less a delicacy, or even a survival food, than a powerful magic potion, probably originating from a secret rite of the Druid high priests. Cooked in a cauldron by chanting witches under a rowan tree, by the light of a gibbous moon, it is not to be eaten lightly; the effects may be lasting.
Some people think the power of haggis is embodied in the Stone of Scone, a Scottish sacred relic which was kept in Westminster Abbey for seven centuries. English kings sat on it to be crowned and perhaps the proximity of the royal organs to such a powerful spell caused the wayward sexuality of so many British royals.
Haggis eating in congressional dining rooms would be risky, or perhaps even risque! Better by far to load a MOAB, a 10-ton bomb, with haggis and drop it onto a Saddam Hussein palace. Bagpipes fitted to the tail fins would make an unearthly wail on the way down and warn Baghdadis that the haggis was coming, so better watch out.
MICHAEL BARTON
Sunnyvale